Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
