You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
