The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
