We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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