So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
