We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This is the high leading the old right now
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
