i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
