Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
