Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
