I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
