im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize