Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
