Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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