Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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