Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
