She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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