just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
