Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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