My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
