Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
