please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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