I got chris browned last night
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
