Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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