You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Panties = found
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
