Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
we should paint friendship bongs
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
