Having a random hookup so left but love u
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
