giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Randomize
