Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
