May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
