I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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