You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
