I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
