Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
there was a trapeze. enough said
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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