I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
