Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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