I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
