Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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