Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
