Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
