p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It's never too late to be topless.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
