I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
