i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
