mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
