Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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