There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize