i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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