ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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