dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
