So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
