omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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