summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
