I could have mohawked her pubes.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
