he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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