Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
