Whod you bang
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
