I cockslap morals
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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