Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
