It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
