so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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