Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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