dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
