This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
