Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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