therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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