Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
