I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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