Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
