She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
